| (no subject) |
[Aug. 9th, 2005|05:56 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crazy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The dog barking... | ] |
I will have the new journal name and bah blah a longer entry later tonite...my dad is still in town. he and denise are leaving for hawaii in like 2 or 3 hours...
HA!!
|
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Aug. 5th, 2005|04:51 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pissed off | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Cars driving by... | ] |
Dammit...i have to work at Cafe Italia tonite... Meaning that i'll miss out on Denise's Bridal shower... I sersiouly hate that job. All it does is get in the way. I don't sing, the people there hate me, all i do is sit and look pretty (which i can't even do that right), and i get paid like $8 an hour. I make more sitting here and looking pretty. So whatever. Hopefully the last reservation is at like 7:30 or something. I tried to put in my two weeks but i couldn't. I wasn't strong enough. She was all, "Well isn't there some days where you can work for Amber?" I'm so freaking retarded. That's what i'm doing now. It's all about Amber and i'm just thrown in the mix because she needs some time off from sitting and doing nothing at that damn job. Fuck that job. Tonite i'm going in and saying, "Look i'm putting in my two weeks right now. So no more games BITCHES! who's coming with me? WHO'S COMING WITH ME MAN!?!?!"
( Bored ) |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Aug. 4th, 2005|02:15 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | aggravated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Jim talking on the phone... | ] |
I don't know why, but lately i've been thinking of something i'd like to do before i die. I recently saw this commercial (not really i've seen it a few times but it really clicked yesterday) about these kids going cross country and showing adults that kids don't just sit around and do nothing all summer. I'd like to drive cross country and make a documentary about something. Just drive across the country really. See the sights. I've seen so much stuff in europe it's not even funny, but i've never gotten to experience my own country at all. I'm going to see San Francisco in September but i mean like stuff out in on the east coast and in the middle of everything. Just go cross country in like a rented truck or even in my honda. But i'd love to do that with like Jon, Niko and even Mike. The more the merrier. But yeeah...I really wanna do that like next summer or something.
So i'm sitting here bored. Lunch was eh. The roast beef sandwich was all onion-y and had tomatoes and lettuce and yeeah. I need to get freaking paid. What the hell is going on at the temp office. i'm like 2 weeks behind. They're gonna have to give me a fatty pay check but i'm cool with that.
Shit...i just got reeeeeeeally busy... |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Aug. 4th, 2005|11:52 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hungry | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Absolute silence... It's quite nice actually... | ] |
Holy crap, i'm so exhausted. Seriously it's been sooo long since i've had a decent amount of sleep, woken up, had breakfast (what's that?) and been refreshed going to work. I'm such a retard. My hair is all ratty and messy so i keep it up in a bun which doesn't flatter my face. I have this huge mountain-like zit on the left side of my face that i just wanna squeeze the shit out of, my face isn't washed and i'm not wearing make-up either. My hands smell like butt and my eyes look like i just rolled out of bed. But anyway!!! Ok yesterday kicked some fucking ass. And i try and rarely use the F bomb, so you know that it was goooood.
Work was eh... I didn't have to work at Cafe Italia and they found a new receptionist from the El Centro office so i didn't have to do as much yesterday. I took my lunch break to go get my car smogged, came back and it looked like the mailman had tossed his cookies all over the floor. there was piles upon piles upon piles of letters. It literally took me 3 hours to sort through them. It made the day go by so much quicker. I looked at the clock and it was like 4:00 already. SO just an hour of doing stuff for me like typing up things to do lists and making phones calls which remindsme that i have to change my address at COD.
Then after work i'm driving home and realized that i'm supposed to go to rehearsal. I'm thinking 'dammit i just want to go home and sleep', but i called jon anyway and asked if we were gonna do this. So we did. and it fucking rocked. Seriously i keep reminising (sp?) on everything and it was just freaking great. I need to learn more lyrics and we just need more rehearsal but i'm so stoked. We freaking rule. And Niko showed me the myspace profile of our competition who shall remain nameless. And yeeah... Jon pointed out that all of our songs kinda mesh well together. They sort of sound the same in a good way. I don't know, but what i DO know is that we fucking rock. We just need more practice. Perfect practice makes perfect perfect.
So anyways... now i don't really condone drinking but i couldn't pass up the opportunity just to hang out and be merry. I didn't get drunk, i didn't even get tipsy, which is a good thing. Danny graduated from the Marines and i wanted to see him and Amber. I love both of them. So i stopped by for like 15 minutes. Then snuck out and went back. Stupid bitches: Amber, Christina, and Ashely all fell asleep so it was just Zach, Danny and I. Anyways, nothing special happened. The only gay part about it is that i'm so freaking tired right now. I seriously zoned out while driving and missed my turn. I was already late as it is. I came through the door and like 3 people said, "Oh there she is, ok." I thought the new receptionist was gonna be here but apparently i was wrong. I really wanted to call in sick but my dad's words echoed in my mind."Never call in sick for the first 2 months you're there." I have like a pile of mail from yesterday that is unknown to me. So anyway...
Oh this guy at work man...he's sooooooo freaking... i can't even explain. Everything about him is exactly like Jon Davis. The way he stands, the way he smokes, even the way he talks, he sort of has that speech problem. Omg i saw him smoing the other day and i started flipping!!! it was soo freaking hot. yeah yeah i know. Smoking is a dirty habit, but i know a worse one you nose miners.
Who else thinks the police officer from The Devil's Reject's is freaking hot? I fell in love with his voice when he was talking to Mama Firefly. He's just hot all around. Especially when he's running (powerwalking) after Baby and is like screaming "Run Baby Girl"... oh me oh my... i guess i like pet names or something because i wouldn't mind at all if he called me baby girl.i dunno... He's just sexy.
I'm seriously contemplating whether i should spend my lunch break napping or eating. I'm soo tired. I need to buy food and stuff and a magazine that i read because after my lunch if basically four hours of slow steady things. I always handle the drama and what not first thing in the morning so i get organized. the desk is always messy and i always make sure it's clean. I'm weird like that. I'll make my bed before i get in it. i'm a freak. I freaking hungry freak. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Aug. 2nd, 2005|10:55 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | irritated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Mitch on the telefono... | ] |
Damn! i have to take an early lunch! those bastards! The funders and processors have to take like a training session or something at 12 and are basically using up their lunch to do. Poor babes. Oh well Togo's it is then!
So Denise said i can start moving my stuff in this weekend! I'm so stoked! She told me to gather some boxes from work and start packing my stuff. I need to organize my memory box so i can fit more stuff in it. I have a lot of stuff that i want to save but can't just throw away. So yeah. Now my mom is trying to make me feel like shit because my uncle's house on Spencer is available....which is such a coincidence that's it's available not even a week after our whole big arguement. I hate thinking about it. I keep asking for strength because i'm such a sap when it comes to me thinking about my mom being all alone and my grandma accidentally spraying eyeglasses cleaner into her eyes instead of her prescripted stuff, but after hearing my mom say that, it just doesn't make me feel bad. I know her game. I know what she's doing. She does it all the time to men. And i'm not a big smelly guy, Smelly yes but a guy NO. But i can't wait to start bringing stuff over. I'm keeping my tall skinny dresser and putting it in the closet so i'll have more space, but i'll look at it as a memory from the older house and of high school really.
So i've given some thought what i want to put on my website and/or new live journal account. I have all these beauty tips and secrets hidden in my "curls" and i think i'd like to let those who are willing in on them. It's just tips and what not that i've collected over the years so yeeah. And i know those girls like me with a combo skin type (Oily and dry) or big thick frizzy hair that they just don't know what to do with it anymore. But beauty tips and movie/music reviews and gossip and what not! DAH! this is going to be soo much fun!
So i'm going to lunch in like 5 minutes... oh poo.... |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Aug. 1st, 2005|10:48 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | frustrated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Rob Zombie's Dragula in my head... | ] |
Holy crap! i'm so freaking hungry. I had nothing to eat this morning before i got here. Now all i have is the gu i'm chewing and breath mints. I was like 10 minutes late too. I just had to stay up and watch that damn movie, but i must say, American Psycho was brilliantly produced and casted. Not a lot of people see that side of Christian Bale. They just know him as the new Batman! He's a really good actor. Actor's are good to me when you can see two or more different sides to them. Patrick Bateman (American Psycho), Demetrius A Midsummer Night's Dream) and Bruce Wayne (Batman) are totally different characters. Patrick is a sick demented twist with a side of OCD when it comes to cleanliness. Demetrius is a sweetheart just looking for love. Bruce Wayne is looking for revenge in the beginning and justice in the end. And what about the Machinist? That was such a suspenseful movie. You never knew what was gonna happen and the ending is like, "WHAT!?!?!?" all four of these characters played by the same person are extraordinary and completely different. He's just so amazing. Women want him, and men want to be him...
K late breaking news in Morgan World: I did not i repeat did not know that Andy Milonakis is a 27 year old man. He has like a growth disorder or something. He seriously looks like 13 or 14. How freaking weird. Not him himself, but the fact that he's 27. Wow... i had no idea. i always get sucked into watching that crap too. he's just a very random guy and the stuff he does is funny, some of it's retarded, but most of it funny.
I had lunch with Casey yesterday. He had fun in Europe, which i'm not suprised because who doesn't have fun in europe? So we did the usual routine: Mcdonald's then target. I spent my American Express gift card so in case Uncle Mike tries to like i don't know take it back. I don't know if he'd stoop that low. My mom and I haven't spoken yet. And i AM upset about it. She and Uncle Mike assumed that i would be all hunky dory about an hour after the conversation and i'm still hurting. Shows how much they know me. I need to call COD about changing the address of everything because i can't have things going go her house anymore. She has these documents that i guess need to be filled out in the next four days. So it's like WTF? that's important shit. It's my college education. I hope she's ok though. I don' wanna call her because i hate hearing her cry. I just have to text her.
Smog is today and dammit i forgot the fucking papers. and i need to cash this check i have and i need to pick something up to eat and get something to read. The lady told me it would be like 45 to an hour. So i'll bring my iPod. But yeah, i hope deborah is ok with me taking a long lunch that expected. So hopefully this smogging thing goes quickly. I turned in my time card yesterday so i don't know when i'll get paid. But that was only for like 2 weeks ago. So i still need to get paid for last week. Hopefully this is a fatty paycheck cuz i need to stat saving and i have no idea whati'll be doing for employment during school. What i want to do is just come in here, gather data, go home input it in my spare time and bring it back here. So i dunno... hopefully i'll do that. I need to buy more comedy CD's for my trip to San Diego.
So yeah...lunch is in an hour... i'm so excited...that lunch...is in an hour... |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 30th, 2005|11:29 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | hungry | ] |
| [ | music |
| | My stomach growling.... | ] |
Yesterday was so hectic at Cafe Italia. I'm really considering quitting after last night. First of all I don't mean to sound like a baby but i got stressed. My God did i get stressed. All of the reservations were at 6:30 and i had about 4 to go orderd to do which i fucking hate. The cooks always tell me that i did something wrong. I guess i'll never get around to making a CD to sing on because i don't want to. I'l never be as good as Chelsey or Mike or Kaley so i'm just gons forget it. But the thing that really pissed me off was Massimo. Massimo is a man sraight out of Italy and forgot to leave his attitude there. He came up to me saying how many tables do i have and basically telling me how horrible of a host i am. Then as i'm clocking out because the resevations were done and i didn't want to be there any longer, he asks me, "You're leaving?" I said in a low toned voice yes. He goes, "Great job" and sticks his italian thumb out at me. I seriously wanted to scream, "Is that sarcasm? Look you piece of shit. Sorry i'm not a specialist in hosting like your precious Amber. Let's see how old are you? Oh you're in your forties? hmmmm get a better job or go back to italy. What you could have done to get more tables is A. be a little more nicer to me and B. come up to me and tell me what tables you wanted." I seriously don't need this fucking job. I'm making like $20 a night. Here at the mortgage place i make that just sitting here typing in this thing for 2 hours. Fuck them. I'm asking Cindy when the next pay period is over and then i'm leaving. Fuck that, I don't need his shitty attitude or that lame ass stress. leave it to Amber i don't care anymore. It's stupid anyway. No money in the restaurant business right now, but besides the point.whatever....i'm done with them.
Being on this computer is like being at home. i can't really go anywhere. i can't even go to google.I don't know why but it allows to be on here so all i do is look at other journals or look back on my own. I saw this one entry that sort of meant something to me because it described my life "socially" and i thought i would link it in case you haven't seen it. But i want to take that entry and emphasize it. I just wrote it in like ten minutes, but get more in depth and personal about it like more about my home life. obviously i can't do that on this computer because i have work to do, but once i get settled into my new home i'll do it. I also wanted to start a website. I don't know what about but i'll think more about it. Does it matter if it's just about me? i don't think so. heh...I'd have like cool stuff too not just scandalous pictures of me (and who would want to see that?? eww), but stuff like Movie reviews and picture adventures like Eric from Emotion Eric used to do. But yeah things like that.
So i'm really excited about this whole moving thing!! i wanna get started now! like going through my things and throwing stuff away. Denise has to find a matching desk to go along with it. I don't mean to sound like a bitch but when i walked in and i wanted to redo the whole thing but it's her house and she's got like custom made stuff for it so i won't even bother. I wanted to make it like my room right now. I love the dark purple walls and the black furniture. It's just like a cave i guess, dark and cold. But yeah she's going to get a desk that matches the dresser and a bigger TV. But i can't wait. And my cat gets to live with me in the beginning, they want him to slowly get use to the house and the other animals. She has like three cats and a smelly dog.
Anyway... i'll update later with a survey or something. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 29th, 2005|02:42 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | My new Uncle laughing... | ] |
Here's a survey for your mind bitches!! this was stolen from an older entry of mine in an older journal...:
name: Morgan BALE !!! ha i'm so immature...
location: Palm Springs, Cali-forn-i-a
DOB: 7.24
sex: yes please... oh i crack myself up sometimes.
single?: Yes...unfortunately.
Religion: Christian
Appearance?: Big boobs, big feet. Everything is big in Texas. Too bad i don't live there.
Tattoos or pierceings?: I plan on getting my ears pierced and a tattoo
hobbies: Organizing, Playing Neopets, listening to music, collecting DVD's...etc.
occupation: Administrative Assistant
? Height: 5'6
? Weight: a lady reveals nothing...
? Shoe size: 11
? Hair color: Brown with blond highlights
? Eye color: green
? Last movie you saw in theater: The Devil's Rejects
? Last movie you rented: Ms. Congeniality and Lemony Snickett's
? Favorite movie: Fight Club and the Machinist
? Favorite singer/band: I have lots but i favor System of a Down and The White Stripes right now.
? Have you ever smoked?: Yes i do now.
? Do you do any drugs?: like i said...a lady reveals nothing.
? What's your favorite sport? Umm i like to dance. that's a sport.
? Do you want to get married? Yes eventually.
? Do you want children? Yes...i want two boys and a girl...
? Do you have any stuffed animals? uuhhhh....yea!
? Do you have any bad habits? I bite my nails, pick my nose, bust out in song, space out on important information, and i'm focusing on the language habit which i'm proud to say is doing well.
*-* Have you ever: *-*
? Been on a plane: Yes a lot when i was younger.
? Went swimming in the ocean: No i just like to look at it...no swimming for me.
? Cried in public: I hate doing it but sometimes i just can't help it.
? Let a friend cry on your shoulder: Yes, but i never know what to say to make them feel better.
? Fell asleep in the shower/bath: Once in 5th grade. My dad was pounding on the door screaming that i'm using all the hot water. That's how i woke up.
? Gone to Church: Yeah. I need to do that more often tho.
? Read the Bible: Sometimes.
? Climbed a tree: Yes but i fell out of it. That was a sad day.
? Gone snowboarding: No, but i'd like to learned how.
? Never slept during a night: Yeah but i always crash the next day around 10am.
? Played field hockey: No, we don't do that down here.
? Sat in a restaurant w/o ordering anything?: No, even if i'm late i still order like a dessert or something.
? Eaten sushi: I <333 it!
? Eaten fish: Yeah, i need to try more though. I've only eaten like 2 or 3.
? Wanted to die: Not lately.
? Driven a car: Uhh yeah, that's how i get around.
? Skipped school: Yes. That was my advice in our school newspaper to the freshmen.
? Been scared to get a shot: I'm terribly afraid. I hate them! Can't we just like take a pill or something?
? Broke your arm: Yes. Well no it was a compound fracture in my left arm. My cast was hot pink though...that ruled.
? Been given stitches: For my fractured arm yea.
? Shopped at Gap: Nope.
? Thought you were in love: Yeah, but tragically i was wrong.
? Watched TV at 4 in the morning: Yeah when i'm up that late but i haven't been in a very looong time...
? Made prank phone calls: I know it's childish but yeah. And i enjoyed it!
? Gone out with a guy you knew for 3 days?: Try one day. It was just a joke though. Between us.
? Gone into a hallway and done the nasty: No, but i would like to try something like that in an office setting...heh.
? Snuck out of your house: Yeah. I'll never grow out of that.
? Said I love you and meant it: I thought i meant it, but it was just puppy love.
? Stayed up all night on the phone with a friend? I used to.
Currents
{x} Current Clothes: Black tulip skirt and sky blue spaghetti top with a black half sweater.
{x} Current Mood: tired, anxious to get out of here, do the cafe italia thing and go home!!
{x} Current Taste: Sprite
{x} Current Hair: Pulled back in an 80's styled ponytail with a bang hanging out.
{x} Current Annoyance: The woman who's handling my paycheck won't call me back.
{x} Current Smell: The Office smell: Paper, Perfume and Coffee
{x} Current thing you ought to be doing: There's nothing to do. I've finished all my work like a good girl.
{x} Current Desktop Picture: At my house, it's Jack White playing the guitar in a tight stretchy red shirt...oooo his pecks!!
{x} Current Favorite Group: White Stripes
{x} Current Book: I need to get one.
{x} Current DVD In Player: The Cable Guy
{x} Current Refreshment: Sprite
{x} Current Worry: That my mom and I will never talk again.
{x} Current Crush: LoL Christian Bale, Jack White, Johnny Depp and this guy here...at work...
{x} Current Favorite Celebrity: Christian Bale
Favorite...
{x} Food: Oriental and Italian
{x} Drink: Cherry Coke
{x} Color: black, hot pink, and purple
{x} Shoes: Just plain black flip-flops
{x} Candy: Peanut Butter M&M's
{x} Movie: Fight Club and The Machinist
{x} Dance: Ummm... the Hokey Pokey?
{x} Vegetable: Carrots
{x} Fruit: cherries |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 29th, 2005|10:36 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | hungry | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Just Don't Know What to With Myself in my head.... | ] |
God this guy here at work is just so....wow... he's so cute and so sweet. His wife is so lucky.... it's so saddening that he's married. I could do better.... God i'm sp pathetic!!! :) he's soo cute though. He looks like so much like Jon Davis. He's tall and lanky and wears loose fitting clothes. I don't know it's hard to describe, but everytime i see him around the office, i can't help but smile. He's the one that got my dad and denise together... so he's a pretty big factor in their life and mine.
So yeeeeeah. the whole "meeting thing last night did not, i repeat did not go well. I hate being around my uncle Mike. I mean i love him, but wow. I didn't know family was supposed to treat you like that. He and my mom were like ganging up on me. I thought they would be happy with whatever i decided to choose and support me...like family does. But nooo. i get the freaking third degree on why i want to live there and why i asked for a laptop for my birthday when i have a computer. He made me look like the bad person and he even told me that too. He told me that I was a horrible, bad, selvish person that was bought out and that I'll realize what a bad decision i've made in about 5 or 6 years. It's ridiculous though! My mom said this was the first opportunity for us to build a friendship and it's like WTF? we have been doing that every freaking weekend we're together and some. It's not just weekends i see her. And besides i'm her daughter. Yeah we have a friendship but she can't be my best friend. I need to socialize. I can't be a mama's girl for the rest of my life. so that just pisses me off to no end. i thought my mom would be ok with it, but i guess she's just reacting to all this change. I just want to keep space between us now. I can't believe she flipped out like that and that's not normally her. He was all comforting her like, "It's ok. She's wrong and you're right. She'll learn". Being around him is like taking a really hard quiz. He asks you questions you can't answer but you have to get on to the next question do you can finish it. I know it's cliche`d, but i was so upset, when i got home, i ate a big fat piece of chocolate cake. If only i had ice cream. So now i'm just thiking to myself whatever. Money isn't everything, but it pays the bills. I'll ask myself what Dennis to told me to, "What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail?" Well i'd like to be an actress, but my backup plan is a mortgage broker. This career seems interesting and i don't know why. Which is one of the questions he asked me. He hates getting the "i don't know" answer but too bad, everything in life doesn't have to have a purpose or meaning. Like flowers... they're just good for your soul.
So i'm moving in two weeks. I'm so excited for that. I don't know how i'm going to transfer all the information on my old computer to the new laptop. i'd like to just have that and not two computer so i can sell the old one. Like get it cleaned cuz it's soooo dirty, have everything deleted, and clean the inside for viruses and stuff. I hate it because i have a DVD burner program whre i can make my own dvd's but i have no idea how to use it or how to upload stuff from camera's and i don't know. I'll ask Jon he has the same thing. But i'm so excited. I have to throw out a lot of stuff though. There's not a lot of clutter take-up-space room. It's like a studio apartment really. It has a sink and a refridgerator and a walk in closet! that i'm excited about. I have so much crap hanging around inmy room because i don't have a closet. I have like a portable closet and a ghetto shoe rack that i put togeher incorrectly. We have to sell my dad's bedroom furniture and mine but i thik he's renting it out fully furnished with a microwave and refridgerator and maybe the TV. I suggested he sent the TV down to the San Diego house, but whatever....
I have to take an early lunch at like 11. Deborah isn't here which kinda messes things up but whatever. Nothing i can do.
The plane tickets have been booked. Lindsay, Gretchen and I are flying out on the 12th and coming back on the 14th. Dude! My dad and denise are leaving for Ventura in like 3 hours for 4 days. Four days of solitude in the house...alone...by myself...I wish i live in Denise's house now. I think it'd be fun being alone in that house...AND it's a gtaed community that's sort of a grauntee that's there's no serial killers. Ghosts and ghoul's don't bother me but serial killers and things that are real...DO! And plus at denises' houe it's like a non stop animal fest. She has a three cats and a dog that i loooove sooo much! He's just really stinky. He's a basset hound and sooo adorable.
So anyway... lots of drama between fueding families. Not really it's just one family is treating me like shit and i'm such a horrible person so whatever. i guess i am... i'll update later with some worth while. I'm trying to find just a random survey but no luck yesterday. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 28th, 2005|05:06 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  discontent | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The phone ringing.... | ] |
Omg i'm so freaking tired...this wave of exhaustion hit me like two hours ago. They're getting someone here tomorrow to take over this job so yeah. i don't kno what i'll be doing. Actually i do: bitch work for other people. I hate having to learn new things. I think that's what stresses me out. learning new things everyday and having to keep track. My memory is so horrible these days.
So i have to meet my mom and uncle at 6:15 tonite. I hope that goes over well. If not whatever. I'm sort of in a don't-really-care mood right now. i do care about her feelings, i men it's not like i'm abandoning her forever. I'll still see her, it'll be like now except i'll have a little more freedom because i'm older now so whatever. I hope that doesn't take long. i'm so tired. i just wanna go home and sleep forever. Thank God tomorrow is friday. hopefully denise will let me off or let me do something less challenging like run errands or something on Saturday. i don't know where i'm going with my life here.
I posted i think around the beginning of this month a new name for a new journal for the next chapter in my life. I'v decided on the name (thank GOd it's not taken) and i'm really excited about starting it. It's like a whole new beginning. I'll be starting it when i move into the casita and free access to the internet...
blah....
I have such an excruitating headache. It's not even funny. I hope i don't go home to screaming angry emo dad... but twenty bucks says i will...
nine more minutes to go.... |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 28th, 2005|11:13 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Copy Machine... | ] |
i hate it man. last night i came home in such a good mood, thihking that life was so good and i was so content with myself... and then bam! this morning i accidentally slept in and my dad comes in at 9:30 asking me do you have to work today? I fucking hate when he asks that. No dad, i'm taking thursday off just because i can. WTF? so i say yes and he just stands there screaming at me how i'm so unreliable and undependable (same thing jackass) i am and how stupid i am, suggesting that i don't shower and look like shit for work. then he slams the door when he leaves to make a big dramatic exit. how lame... this is what i would vent to my mom and that's why it's gonna be heatbreaking and confusing when i tell her that i have to live with them. i don't have to, i want to. Him acting like that makes me not even want to go to this stupid wedding. It's not like he cares or anything he has his brother, his wife, and his perfect daughter in law coming so whatever. i always go into exemes and say i'm not going to talk to him, but i never do. I'm just gonna give him the cold shoulder. I wanted to get up so bad and just scream back about how he ruins each day of my life and how he wouldn't be saying these awful hurtful things if Denise was around. "What do you think Denise would say if she heard you right now?" is what i wanted to scream instead i just laid in bed wishing i could die, concidering just falling asleep and telling the world to fuck off. The onlyreason he yelled at me was because i was making him look bad which is pretty selvish if you ask me.
I guess this is a difficult time for me because i'm transitioning into adulthood. i still haven't used my real ID to do or get anything...kind of upsetting but ok. i keep wanting to make childish decisions but then i reconsider, yet sometimes i do it anyway. i hate being told that i'm not doing my job right. It makes me feel like everything i do is wrong. I'm so insecure. that's something i need to break: being shy. I have to be more outgoing that i am. This isn't high school, not everyone knows my name. i'm really contemplating about quitting cafe italia. Omg i couldn't take it last night. It was like God was punishing me. Mike came in and wowed the crowd like always. Then Amber the other host brought her family in and sang a few songs. I guess i'm just a bitch because i'm not getting any attention.
Denise gave me an extensive tour of the casita and i like it a lot. It's a little small but hey it's just like a room. I love it soo much!! i'm so excited about moving in! i can start bringing my things over in 3 weeks. So the plan is i fly up on the 12th and come back on the 14th, but they're staying til the 18th. So while they're living it up on their honeymoon, i'll be working (of course) and packing my things in boxes and finally getting around to cleaning out my desk and just the junk i have everywhere that's just for decorations. That's not needed there because A. there' already decorations and B. i don't think i could fit all of that stuff on the dressers and everything else.
So the Jon Davis look alike is married and once again my heart is broken. i can't even lust over him knowing that he goes home to a wife every night. He just got married in July though... i mean i'd like to think things can happen like with Jude Law and Sienna Miller. He cheated on her with the nanny. i don't know if this guy has kids or not....KIDDING! i wouldn't go that far. It was just a little crush so whatever. i'm just lonely is all. everything i do in this department blows up in my face. i'm just gonna give up and focus on school (when it comes around) and making things better for myself. "To make things better for others, you must do better for yourself." i don't know if i made that up or not but i like it.
So i'm starving right now! i had no time to eat. I just washed my face, put on my clothes, found the just woke up so my eyes don't look right glasses and headed out. Denise gave me some cherried to snack on though. Robert paying for my panda express if i go get so ummm heck yes i'll get it. i'm getting tired... i swear if my dad calls and yells at me i'm just gonna hang up or just transfer him to denise. I am not about to bring my bad mood here i won't let it. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 27th, 2005|04:56 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  accomplished | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Cars driving by... | ] |
Ah how the days go by... today has gone by so fast! And i hate to say it but i love this job! it's so simple now. I mean yeah, i have a few questions here and there but i'm having a great time being here. I've made a few people laugh so the office cancer on me is that i have a little bit of comedy to myself. I'm sort of mysterious. No one knows anything about me other than my dad is marrying the branch manager. But i hope that i don't have to leave this job. I enjoy doing it and i've suddenly got the hang of it.
so i think thursday is the day of heartbreak. My mom has important stuff to talk about with me. i know it's about college and stuff, but i think she wants to talk about living spaces...hmmm... i still haven't found a way to break it to her. i put it so coily, yet it's killing me on the inside. I'm just going to her advice: Don't be afraid to say no. It's not about the money. It's about me being a person and no offense i can't do that around my mom. I go into stupid mode and always act like a baby around her. Asking for things, pouting, etc etc. With living with my dad, i'll have privacy, i'll have to learn things on my own and other things i just need to give a lot of thought to.
Mmmmmmmmmm....i'm eating my yogurt parfait from McDonald's which is currently my new obsession. I can't believe this is yogurt. It's so sweet and delicious and AAHH!! the granola... p.s this is not a commercial nor a suck up to McDonald's corporation.
So i'm just chilling here at work. I have lots of stuff to do for my car. i made a check list. It's at home but it includes things such as the smog, registering the car in my name, fixing the dents and the car panels, and other stuff... i find that making checklists are the most effective way for me to get things done. on that checklist with my car includes bank stuff and things i need to do in my room: laundry, cleaning, organizing, etc.
So i'm going to the wedding in Hawaii. I'm sort of excited and sort of not. Denise just had a talk with me about the plans and how i'll get there,when i'll get back, when i can move in (my stomach actualy jerked when she said she had talked to brandon about him moving else where), and just other stuff. Everything was followed by a big bear hug. So hopefully things will work out. I hope my mom will be ok with my living there and visiting her on the weekends. I'm kind of pissed thought because i have to drive out to san diego on thursday night to sleep at Lindsay's to catch my flight and thursday is the same night of the White Stripes concert that i freaking wanted to go to. dammit all to hell... oh well...what can you do?
So there'd this guy here at work that i find devastatingly handsome i never knew why...well i do now. i coudln't quite put my finger on it but as i was gazing upon his face during a staff meeting, it dawned on me that he resembles a rather "cleaned up" Jonathan Davis. Puffy cheeks, low eyebrows...i can't really explain it but i feel all stupid becuase when he so much as squeezes my shoulder while passing through i get all hot flushed and start squeaking like a little girl.
I saw the devil's reject's last night...i don't know really know what to say about it. I thougt it was good but it had it's gay moments, but then again don't all Rob Zombie movies? it was good though. it actually had a good plot. the bad guys are running away from the good guys (duh) and yeeeah... i don't wanna give away any plot points. heh... so yeah...
After Cafe Italia i'm gonna go over to Denise's and give the Casita and real look over, even if brandon's things are everywhere! i wanna look again. i've only seen it once and it was all messy because she had guests. i'm so excited......... |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 26th, 2005|01:16 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | nauseated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Fax machines... | ] |
So i'm at work...and it's sort of slowed down. I like being the receptionist. I mean it has it's hard moments but it's pretty cool. They're hiring a replacement from a different branch...blaah.. then it's back to doing bitch work for everyone else. i have to do pilates tonite with denise, which i'm undecided on. i want to but i don't. i get enough exercise when i get home. if my dad isn't there, i danced my head off which is good cardio. i can feel my heart pounding and i'm sweating profusely... it's a good thing.
So i still can't find a way to tell my mom in a polite way that i don't want to live with her. i feel like such a jerk because i pushed and pushed and begged to be with her instad of my dad, but those went me venting. i didn't know who else to vent on because nobody is that close. and i hate doing that to friends because they can't just hate and then have to love you like parents do. i always consider the fact that she won't be mad at me forever and ihope it doesn't turn into something like she and her mom are in. they don't speak to each other which by the way is both of their faults. Grandma was bad to her as a child and Mom was rude to her as an adult, but what can ya do?
i'm kind of freaked out by the whole never going back to high school thing. I'm an adult now i guess. i got the freaking lecture at exactly midnight after my birthday and i got it this morning. For sleeping in... so i just laid there like a slug (my only defense)and just said ok. but i must admit, i am rather late in the morning. i mean i got here on time, it's just i only washed my face and brushed me teeth. no time for a shower. no one in this office besides denise has seen my hair down. it's always up in a wispy bun on the top of my head. i have to get my car washed. it's still all tagged up from this weekend. it says like Honk i'm finally 10 (someone messed with it) and blaah... i had a really healthy lunch today: a salami and mayonaisse sandwich with a piece of birthday cake... my stomach is so pissed off with me right now.
I stopped by the high school and picked up my diploma. i thought they sent them out but i guess i was wrong. it looks soo beautiful! i can't wait to put it in it's little case to actually complete the experience... and i look back on what i wrote in all the seniors yearbooks. "I can't wait to see what you've become in ten years. See ya at the reunion." how cheesy can you get?
4 more hours to go....
Oh and P.S...i found my favorite cd in the entire world: My Ruin's A Prayer of Pressure under Violent Anguish. my dad lied about it being broken and just placed it on the dvd player like i won't find. what the hell.... |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 25th, 2005|02:13 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  good | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Office noises... | ] |
yay!! so yesterday was my birthday! i got a freaking laptop. i was so psyched. it's got all this nice new stuff alrady downloaded on it like virus protection and an internal satellite. grandma got me a printer/scanner/copier. it's so awesome. i can't wait to set all this stuff up. my mom made me these really cute pillows, i have to get pictures up to show them off. dinner "both" nights was awesome. my cake was all little mermaid and so were the gifts and it was just so cute.
so i'm at work. blah... i'm working at cafe italia tonite and i really don't want to. no offense but i think this the only job that i need. i should have the night to myself to relax and what not. i think i might put in my 2 weeks on friday. i really don't see the need because the boss absolutely cherishes the other hostess. i suck at that job anyway. my life is sort of getting organized. I need to sleep more! i went to bed at like 3 and had to wake up at 8. 5 hours of sleep is murder for someone like me. i need the required 8 hours. this job i'm starting to like. sometimes the phones can be a drag but it doesnt bother me too much.
i think i need to consult a therapist about this whole moving in thing. i want to move in with my dad and denise but i just don't know how i can tell my mom. she'll take it in an ugly way. like my dad is out for pride and i'm only in it for money, but you need money to do well in life these days. i know that money isn't everything and i don't plan on breaking off all forms of communication with my mom. i know that if i live with denise and my dad that i'll still be over there on the weekends and hanging out just like i do now. but i literally cry to myself everyday. i've literally cried everyday for the past week. maybe it's hormones. i don't know. i've got a lot going on right now and i can feel a heavy weight on my shoulders that i just need to get off.
So i'm going to start compiling my lists of stupid things that aren't necessary to make lists....of. things like movies i need to see, movies i need to buy, places i need to go, cd's i need to buy....oh...my gosh....i never realized the inner core of the white stripes. i fallen in love with Jack White! and Johnny Depp. All girls have a thing for johnny depp and my time has come. I saw charlie and the chocolate factory and have fallen in love. and holy crap!! i'm so excited and cannot wait any longer for Corpse Bride with johnny Depp and Helena Carter. She's like my favorite actress...she was Marla in Fight Club... but anyways... life is ok so far. i just need a little professional help. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 14th, 2005|05:24 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Office type sounds.... | ] |
This mortgage job has me so stressed sometimes. It feels nice though...doing some type of social work. So i'm sitting here...not doing my job. heh...it's tiresome. I sit and look for names on like 83256 lists. And half of the time i'm not finding any of them. I prefer running her erands like making bank deposits and picking up things... i want to go home but i don't have the right equipment yet to be able to leave. I love entering the information onto the laptop but i hate having the find the information from all these lists. i don't know if it's just me but all of this should be done. I want to just come to the office, drop off the finsiehd files, pick up the new files and just leave. I'm such a retard around here. I don't know how to use anything. Fax, Copy machine, ANYTHING! It's past 5 o'clock and i want to go home sooo bad!
So the cat comes back on Sunday. Sammie had a hyperthyroid so he had to have radioactive treatment. My poor baby... he'll have radioactive poop for the next two weeks when he comes back. I had to buy the flushable litter because we can't jut throw it in the trash, the government will find us and sue.
Uncle Mike owes me a trip to disneyland for graduation and something for my birthday. I told my mom he should take me to Disneyland for Graduation and for my brithday present he should let me go on a shopping spree in the Nightmare before Christmas store. I <3333 it so much, but everything is soooo expensive. Blaaah.... i wish i could go home....
</3 |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 4th, 2005|11:02 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | discontent | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Julian laughing like the asian he is.... | ] |
So ummm...i'm so sick of being not so pretty. Guys just pass me as a friend when i want something so much more. And i'm sick of not being able to update this from my house. Doing this makes me more calm and focused because everything is layed out. Using Microsoft Word is lame... I've been going through a lot of shit lately but it's weird because nothing's changed. I'm still moving in with my mom, but there was a point where i wasn't and i didn't want to because of my selvish greed. I wanted to move into Denise's Casita which would mean her FUCKING GORGEOUS personal trainer would have to move out. But My mom and I certainly aren't moving out to Sky Valley anymore. I expressed that to her... We just have to search harder.
I've been contemplating a new name for the next chapter in my life. Middle school it was LadySlimShady High School it's been xXxKoRnFreaKxXx. Now for the "college years" aka "the next chapter in my life", i want something different. Something less childish. I have a few written down at home but what do ya know? I'm not there. I've been feeling empty lately. I kind of just want to go home and do "stuff" like clean out my memory chest while The Machinist (greatest movie ever) plays over and over again. I swear i've seen that movie like 432556 times.
I think i'm actually making the transition of not being so blah...like not being so "immature". Sure i still laugh at farts, burps, and the word Poop, but my taste/style is getting a little more adult which i'm perfectly fine with. I'm trying to update this with a meaningful entry because mostly it's just like me saying what's been going on and having to leave. I'm at Julian's. I brought Mike. Mike uses me sometimes...and that makes me sad. I've kind of given up on myself with friends. They'll come...i just have to be patient.
I need to watch/read Hamlet. I'm so excited about auditioning and i hope that i make it. Chelsey said i would make it and that's a big compliment coming from her. Which reminds me...i need to call Cafe italia...and i need to find another job for the summer. I hate the hospital so i'm just gonna look around. Desert Personell never called me with the times i'm supposed to work at the hospital so fuck it. I don't even want to work there anyway. Just pick up my check and go. I really want to go home. I love Julian and i guess Mike but like....yeeah. I'm not in the mood for people right now. Something hit me and i just don't want to be out anymore. I want to go home...but i can't....
P.S... Happy Fourth of July....ya fags.... |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jun. 20th, 2005|08:25 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Drake and Josh on the TV... | ] |
Okay...quick notes on me as of now...
i hate that i can't do ANYTHING at home...things will change i promise. I'm moving out either by the end fo this month or the next but I will be moving shortly. I graduated. Yay for me. heh. I got a lot of money which is good because i need it. And i got a nice seiko watch, other things, and oh yeah an iPod. I freaking love it! It's pink and my Grandma bought me the little sleeves for it. They're soo awesome. I'm handling two jobs to pay for insurance and Oh the 2k car repairs i need to have done. I'm soo fucking pissed. It seems as though everything is broken in my car. The air filter, the tires, the brakes...i AM too hard on it. I thought people were just saying that becuase of the dents from the asshole idiot mark and the cigarette burns from yours truly but holy fuck. I asked for an oil change and a little inspection and i got two thousands worth of repairs thrown in my face. So blah. It's getting hot and i hate that. I get really tired really fast. I miss high school, but i'm ever so excited about college. Anyways....that's what has been going on.
oh and P.S....... I FUCKING SAW MUNKY FROM KORN AT THE DESERT REGIONAL HOSPITAL IN PALM SPRINGS!!!!! OMG@&@$!@#!#$@!!!!!!!! |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jun. 9th, 2005|01:07 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | dirty | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Armenian music in the Luber's classroom... | ] |
So i'm graduating tonite...i have so many emotions flowing through me right now. i mean i literally cried when i saw the mental challenged kids walking to lunch...that's how fragile i am right now. I was late to the graduation rehearsal which was a little embarassing because i walked across the football field in my pajamas in front of the entire senior class. It's a little all too overwhelming but i know i'll manage...
I was up with Roger soooo late last night. I shouldn't do that to myself anymore. I fell asleep around 4:45am. And we did like absolutely nothing. We ate and watched Mystery Men (which by the way i'm so buying when i'm financially stable) and it was fun. He sang to me, he bought me dinner...sounds like a date AAHHHAAAAA....just kidding. So i'm extremely tired tonite. I'm not going to Grad Night. I finally got the scoop on it and it sounds like being at a really gay party. So i'm going to dinner with my mom and the perfect ones ... aka my uncle, aunt, and their two sons who attend USC. i get so nervous around them because i'm afraid that i'll screw up. We're going to Kobe's which is funny because my father, grandma, and I are going tomorrow night. My dad told me to be at home at approximately 4:30 to give me a "graduation card". i set my hopes too high thinking i'll get a laptop or an iPod. i really want a laptop soooo bad. I love its portableness. and My mom can have my computer in her room so we each have one.
I still need to fill out a Cal Grant and a FAFSA form to get money for college. and i still need to find a place to live. yeeeeah..... i gotta get back to the office...i'll update later...
Congratulations to the Classes of 2005 everywhere!! |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
xxxkornfreakxxx's journal